How can I help my Anxious Child?

Most children are afraid of the dark. Some fear monsters under the bed. But at least ten percent of children have excessive fears and worries―phobias, separation anxiety, panic attacks, social anxiety, or obsessive-compulsive disorder―that can hold them back and keep them from fully enjoying childhood.

Generally, as children reach the age of three, they begin to get a confident sense of their own separateness from everyone else. It’s not surprising then that during the early years, separation from family members (the people whom a child feels closest to and even feels part of) can be very upsetting for a child.

Children feel safe when they are with family or others they know well. Even though child care is much more familiar for children these days, young children (ages 0-5) may occasionally have a hard time when they are away from their families for extended periods of time.

If your child suffers from any of these forms of anxiety, these books offers practical, scientifically proven tools that can help. They help children work on feelings about separation and independence, memory skills, developing self-control, and expressing feelings.

Recommended Books

• The Invisible String
• Hey Warrior
• Listening to My Body
• I Can Handle It
• Helping Your Anxious Child
• Freeing Your Child from Anxiety
• Freeing Your Anxious Teen
• What to Do When You Worry Too Much
• Howard B. Wigglebottom Learns About Courage
• What if Monster
• The Bravest Worrier
• Wemberly Worried
• Hornets And Hippos

How I Help Anxious Students

When seeing students who are experiencing anxiety, I usually start with paper/crayons and sometimes my sand tray or magazine pictures. Many times, the very young, are unable to articulate what they are feeling. They are more easily able to write and draw their feelings so I always offer this tool first and while they draw/play, I talk to them about how their evening was, what they ate, what they did…etc to make them feel comfortable.

Once they start talking about how they are feeling and what, if anything, that is bothering them, I tell them to write down their worries (either in a drawing or in writing) and throw them in the garbage. I tell them that now that they have thrown out their worry, it’s gone and can’t bother them anymore. Sometimes, we feed the worry to the worry monster and he eats it. Kids love feeding the worry monster their worries and coming back later to check on whether he has digested it!

Before leaving my office, I usually give them the following tools:

• A worry warrior that I make out a Pipe Cleaner to put under their pillow at night to protect them.
• A Worry Stone to rub when feeling concerned and to give them the power to face their fear.
• A Journal, pens/crayons to write or draw when they are feeling worried.
• A Squeeze Ball to fidget with and get their stress out.

If the child is having trouble separation from their parents at drop-off, I usually suggest the following to the parent:

• Have someone else drop off. Maybe a grandparent, neighbor or friend. Sometimes, just having DAD drop off instead of Mom really helps.
• Change the drop-off situation. If you are walking your child to school, maybe drive or bike or vice versa. Sometimes the change really helps.
• If you have your child in a BeforeSchool program only a day or two and they are experiencing separation anxiety, it may be best to either put the child “full time” at the start of the next year or take them out entirely. Routine is everything. Consistent Routine.
• Have the child wear something of Mom or Dads (necklace/bracelet/ring/etc.) to keep close to them throughout the day.
• Have the child bring a picture of Mom and Dad and be able to pull it out when they miss them.
• Ask the school to have someone meet the child at the door. (Maybe the Principal, School Counselor or the childs’ Teacher could lend a hand before school)
• Set up a meeting with their best friend at the door so that they can greet them first thing and walk into school with them.

I would read the Invisible String to my son and then wrap an invisible string around his finger and he would wrap one around mine before leaving each day. It helped him feel connected to me and it really helped with the anxiety.